What NOT to Do During Ramadan

As Ramadan approaches, there are many articles coming up that help us in starting Ramadan in the right foot. This year, I've decided to join the bandwagon and write on what NOT to do in Ramadan. This is more of a reminder to myself first.

1. Do not enter Ramadan without any preparation- Remember that time you entered the exam hall, nervous, since you didn't prepare at all?  You can guess how the exam went on from there.Yeah, this is something like that. By the time you reach the middle of Ramadan you would either be physically exhausted with the fasting or your spiritual levels might have dipped. Since none of us really want that to happen, try to up your game this time round, by preparing in advance. Fast once or twice a week to get yourself into the groove. Take your supplements so that you would have the strength to continue fasting. Make a list dua now itself so that you wouldn't have to scramble and rack your brain during taraweeh. Believe me, it can happen and you will be loosing a lot of time this way.

2. Do not spend a lot of time with your mobile/electronic devices- This. This is where the real test lies. At least for me. Many a times I struggle to put my phone down and it takes a lot of effort from my side to control this habit. I do realize this could lead to an unhealthy addiction, which is why I have planned to curb it before Ramadan comes around, inshallah. I set a time (say, 10 minutes) where I do what I need to, and then put the phone aside for the next 30 minutes. Meanwhile, I occupy myself with some work I need to do around the house, or read a book. Once I've established this, I plan to gradually increase the time I am away from the phone.It's been a week since I've started this practice.  Alhamdulillah so far the 10 min:30 min rule is working quite well.

3. Do not spend a lot of time in the Kitchen - We desis have this habit of having lots of gatherings during Ramadan. Either we are hosting one, or are invited to one. And we all know what happens there. Everything, but the remembrance of Allah. And the host spends a lot of her time in the kitchen instead of in worship. This is a sure fire way of not reaping the benefits of Ramadan. So, what is the alternative to this?  How about inviting your friends before Ramadan? This way you have the whole of Ramadan to yourself and Allah. And when you are invited, try to politely decline. But if you absolutely have to attend, stay for a little while and leave. Once there limit discussions in matters that are not going to benefit anyone. Rather, initiate topics on Islam, about forgiveness etc. Things that would remind each other about Allah. There is a hadith where it is said that the Angels descend in a gathering where Allah is remembered. Not only that, but they convey the people's duas to Allah and Allah confers His protection on those people and pardons their sins. Won't it be amazing if that happens to us? I bet it would!

These are just three steps that you can start with right now. I believe it is better to take tiny steps when you want to change a habit instead of taking giant leaps which might leave you exhausted and discard what you started right in the middle of it. There are more you could add to the list if you want to. Think of a habit that might hinder your spiritual journey during Ramadan and work on that.
As I mentioned before, this is a reminder to myself first and foremost. If you do benefit from this, Alhamdulillah, and please do remember me in your duas. May this RAMADAN bring in a change in us and may it be a productive one, Ameen.

Familiarity In The Land of Islam

I was 10 years old when I first went for Umrah, the pilgriamge to Makkah. There are small memories I still have from that time. Dad holding my sister on his shoulder while going round the Kabah, my sister and I racing each other to fill cups of water for the elderly women and sleeping on mom's lap when tired.

Very few are blessed with the chance of performing Umrah with their parents after marriage, but Alhamdulillah Allah granted me that favor. 16 years later, here we are in the land of the birth of Islam, together with my own little family. It was everything I imagined it to be and even more. This time, it was Amina who was carried by dad and I and my sister were holding our mother's hand.

Makkah is a global village in the truest sense. You can find people from all over the world, standing next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, praying and supplicating. And in the little while I spent in the Haram (the mosque), I felt like I belonged to a close-knit community.  Children would come to the Haram after school, still in their uniforms, kissing their moms and hugging their teachers. Younger kids were chasing each other and babies were crawling under the watchful eyes of their moms. Teachers were holding classes under pillars, surrounded by their students. People would greet each other with the Salams (peace), both known and unknown. Local ladies would come with their children with boxes of dates and flasks filled with kahwa (Arabic coffee). Each child would take a tray filled with goodies and distribute them. The mother would fill glasses with coffee and pass them around. Every day I would find myself sitting next to someone from a different country. We would strike a conversation over dates and coffee and it was always interesting to hear their story. This was the first time I actually put my Arabic knowledge to full use and man was I glad I did since I got to meet many wonderful ladies. I met a woman from Algeria who actually baked biscuits and brought them all the way to Makkah. Everyday she would bring a box of those delicious Algerian cookies and pass them around. After the evening prayers, when the crowd decreased, there was a lot of space to walk and play. Amina would run around with gay abandon following kids twice her size. Everyone had a kind word to tell. They would pick her up, kiss her and give her things to play with. And if she would run too far, the cleaners or another pilgrim would pick her up and bring her back .

Islam lays emphasis on the importance of a community. I am sure growing up here would teach children many things of importance like empathy, volunteering and contributing to the society. It's been only two days since I returned and already feel like I've left a part of me in Makkah. It felt so much like home to me. There is some sort of a familiarity in everyone's eyes in the House of Allah- where the love for Him brings people together from all over the world to gather in one place seeking His pleasure.

Love For Books, Stories And All Those Wonderful Things

Oh! The joy of having your child run to you with her favorite book, asking you to read to her! Priceless!
But it wasn't always like this, even 2 months back. It took a lot of work on myself  to get here.

I come from a family of readers. My favorite childhood memories involves books - coming home to a set of Famous Five series from mom, to being presented with my cousin's dog eared copy of Pride and Prejudice, my very first novel. The place I grew up in had this quaint little library which was our (my sister and my) favorite haunt. I remember saving my pocket money, only to spend it all at the Annual book fair and never felt bad about it! Alhamdulillah, we had supportive parents who nurtured our love for reading. Needless to say, this was something I was looking forward to to bring into my own little family.
But things changed completely once my daughter was born. Feeding and putting Amina to sleep took priority over everything else and the little time I did get for myself was spent catching up on sleep. It took a while to learn the ropes. But by 6 months things started getting better. And that's when I introduced her to books.
I bought those classic Ladybird books where the baby could touch and feel textures. I was pretty excited about the whole thing. But Amina wasn't. She would just turn her head away. It didn't trouble me much in the beginning, but as her disinterest continued, I did begin to worry. And all those articles and posts flooding my feed on how it is important to read to kids and blah..blah..did nothing ease me. I actually thought I was failing in my motherly duty!
But little did I know that the problem was very much close to home. You see, children observe and imitate us a lot. We are their first role models. Amina too noticed and imitated me. And that's when I realized that she never actually saw me reading a book. Yes, I did read to her, but never sat and read a book for myself. Since becoming a mother, it had been a very long time since I read a book. Any reading was done on the phone.  So why would she be interested in something her mom didn't do? It was time I changed that habit and here's what I did.
I selected a book from my ever-growing collection of unread books and resolved to read atleast a page daily. And for those of you who read, it is difficult to stop with just a page, right? I made sure to read where Amina could see me too. I also started reading to her at a set time everyday. Morning, after breakfast and in the evening. I would animate my voice, act, sing and point out things she knew. I didn't expect anything from her. I just did my thing. And slowly she started participating herself. She would point out things when I said the word, laugh at some pictures and even repeat some sounds after me! And man was I happy! I took it a step further and would allow her to select the book herself. That way she knew she had a choice and I too learnt what she likes. All this put together has helped in establishing her love for books.
Slowly, but surely, we have both started getting on the habit I never realized I had let go. I try adding to her collection of books whenever I can. She has her favorites now too! And it's always lovely to see her come sit next to me with her books. I can't wait to take her on all the adventures I went on when I was child, between the pages of my favorite stories! 

What The Prophet Said - When A Woman Seeks Help

The other day I was listening to a lecture about the women during the Prophet’s time when I came across these two gems:

One day Khansa Bint Khaddim (RA), an Ansari woman, came to the prophet (SAW) and said to him, "O Prophet, I was married off by my father without my consent and I am not happy with my marriage" On hearing this, the prophet annulled her marriage.

In another instance, the wife of Thabit bin Qays (RA) told the prophet, "Oh Messenger of Allah, I do not blame Thabit for defects in his religion or character, but I am afraid that if I do continue living with him I might behave in an un-Islamic manner if I remain with him" The prophet (SAW) then asked her if she was ready to return the garden (the dower) Thabit gave her when they got married. When she said yes, the prophet (SAW) told Thabit to take back the garden and divorce her.

What surprised me the most was that the prophet (SAW) never asked either of the ladies ‘to be patient’ or to ‘think of the children and bear with it’ or that ‘Allah will reward you if you continue in this marriage’. In today’s society, these are just few of the many advises given to a woman who is in a bad marriage, even if the reason she first sought advice for was an abusive husband.
One thing we have to understand is that a woman is notoriously selfless and patient . She has this tremendous reserve with which she controls her emotions and needs for the sake of her family. So, just imagine how much should she have gone through to have depleted that reserve, gathered courage and come out to seek help. And instead of giving constructive advice, she is told to be patient, bear with it, with the promise that Allah will reward her. No doubt Allah will reward her, inshallah. But to be patient is not to sit around, with hands tied up and take in the abuse day in and out till she is reduced to a shadow of her former self. This is no way in line with Islam.
It’s about time our community leaders and counselors do something proactive. Imams should talk to the men about preserving the rights of the women. They should drive home the message that the prophet said the best of men are the ones who are best to their wives. And when a woman does come asking for help, efforts should be made to bring the husband in, talk with him, see what the problem is and provide counseling sessions if the need arises.
At the same time, women should become aware of their rights and duties. There is so much they can learn from history, which is rich with stories of women who stood up against oppression. They should be raised to be proud of their identity as a Muslim and a woman and never feel that they are lacking in any way and hence deserve the treatment meted out to them.
The family is the foundation of the society and if that collapses, so does the society. It’s about time we take a leaf out of the prophet’s (SAW) life, where we trust the woman and try to actively find solutions instead of asking a section of the society to suppress her emotions and deal with it herself while we look the other way.